


Worth the Wait

by shannie541



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Dean's gay and everyone knows it but no one cares, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everybody lives!, F/M, First Love, High School, High School AU, High School AU with no gay panic because those suck, Lots and lots of mistunderstandings, M/M, Minor Aaron Bass/Dean Winchester, Misunderstandings, Protective Sam Winchester, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 11:15:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1603145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shannie541/pseuds/shannie541
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is fourteen when Castiel Novak and his family move in next door and he falls in love for the first (and only) time. He deals with everything with the help of his friends, his annoying (yet insightful) little brother, and his parents</p><p>High School AU where everybody lives and the Winchester family (including all extended members) are seriously freaking awesome!</p><p>(Also, Sam and Jessica are VERY much in the background of this story and aren't even mentioned as a possible pairing until the very end. So, if you were searching by their tag and came across this, sorry but this is very much a Dean-centric story)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worth the Wait

Dean has been in love with Castiel for as long as he can remember.

He’s fourteen years old the day that the Novaks move into the house next door that had sat empty after old Mrs. Gleenwood went to live with her daughter in Wichita. He peers out of the living room window, with Sammy at his elbow, and watches as the family – _mom, dad, older boy, blue-eyed boy, and two girls –_ all lug in box after box from the U-Haul parked out front under the high early-afternoon sun. When the blue-eyed boy, who looks to be a few years older than Dean himself, starts to wheel his bicycle out of the van, Sammy all but swoons at the prospects of new friends. _Dork._

“Aw, man! That bike’s so cool! Isn’t it, Dean? Do you think we can all ride bikes together and stuff? Can I ask?”

Dean blinks out of a stupor at watching the family go from van to house to van to house and smiles down at his dweeb of a younger brother. “Geez, Sammy. Give ‘em time to get all their crap inside before we go botherin’ them.”

Sam nods and his brow furrows like Dean’s just said the most profound thing he’s ever heard. “Yeah, you’re right. Do you think the cookies are done yet?”

“Race ya to go see!” Dean says.

 

0000

The Novaks come over to introduce themselves after dinner is finished. Dean’s elbow-deep in sudsy water washing dishes while John dries and Sammy arguing why he and Dean _need_ the Xbox One with Mary when the doorbell rings. Sammy’s out of his seat at the dining room in a flash as he bolts for the door and yanks it open.

“ _Mooom!_ ” he calls. “The new people from next door are here!” Dean’s head whips around so fast that he’s almost surprised it’s still attached.

“Come on, Ace. Let’s go meet the neighbors.” John’s hand is a warm weight on his shoulder and it’s comforting when they walk to the door from the kitchen and Dean’s mouth goes dry at the sight of the blue-eyed boy standing there in his dark washed jeans and button-up shirt. He suddenly feels underdressed in his own home looking at the Novaks in his worn jeans and thread bare Zeppelin t-shirt but he brushes the thought away when the boy gives a small smile that makes his heart pound against his rib cage so fast and hard, he’s sure they can all hear it.

The mom and dad of the family stand upfront with polite smiles on their faces. “Hello. We just thought we would come over and introduce ourselves,” the man says and takes a small step forward extending his hand to Mary where she stands just behind Sam. “I’m Charles – Chuck – and this is my wife Naomi, my sons Michael and Castiel, and our girls Rachel and Anna.”

 

The introductions go smoothly and Mary invites them all in for cookies that she managed to sneak away from Sammy and John but all Dean can focus on is _Castiel_ sitting next to him on the love seat and his dark, whispy hair that can’t seem to decide what direction it wants to go in, the deep rumble of his voice (that seriously has to be too deep for someone his age) whenever someone manages to drag him into conversation, and just how _blue_ his eyes are. Dean knows he’s staring and tells himself to get a grip but he just can’t. seem. to. stop. Anna and Rachel, with their freaky twin-thing look at each other in silent conversation and Michael seems to be fighting a losing battle to resist the urge to play some game on his phone whenever Naomi shoots him one of those characteristically _Mom_ looks that makes Dean wince in sympathy.

“We saw you move your bike in today!” Sammy chirps and _god_ the kid just can’t let that go. “Maybe we can go riding together.”

“Oh.” Castiel blinks. “Well, sure. But I hope to be getting my own car soon for my birthday.” He casts a hopeful glance at his parents that is anything but subtle and Mary laughs. “I’ll only turn seventeen once, after all.”

“Really? What kinda car are you lookin’ at?” John perks up at that and it’s like a flip gets switched whenever someone starts talking about anything with an engine. Dean gets it, he does because under different circumstances, he’s be thrilled, too, but he’s just excited to get to listen to Castiel talk more and have a legitimate excuse to stare at him without looking like a creeper.

Castiel talks and Dean listens eagerly and by the time the Novaks leave to walk back next door, Dean is pretty sure he’s in love. And he’s so screwed.

 

000

 

The summer before Dean starts his sophomore year of high school all but flies by before his very eyes. One minute he’s in the garage helping his Dad fix up Baby or racing Sammy, Anna, and Rachel on their bikes up and down the block or hanging out with Cas and the next second school’s one week away.

August in Kansas is hot and dry and even under the blasting air conditioning of Castiel’s car, sweat still starts to pool underneath the collar of Dean’s Radiohead t-shirt. Castiel’s popped the top buttons on his shirt and when he turns to Dean, Dean’s eyes are drawn to the exposed space of flesh as his throat works with word Dean’s not entirely paying attention to anymore.

“You’re not gonna forget about me, are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“When we’re at Lawrence High and you’re with all your friends.” Castiel shrugs, “I don’t know, you’ve probably got all the girls wrapped around your little finger.”

Dean blushes and looks away quickly, “Most of my friends I’ve known for forever but ‘s not like I’m popular or anything. You’re the one with the cool car. Chicks dig cars.” What Dean doesn’t mention is that he’s not remotely concerned what the girls at Lawrence High are doing.

Castiel makes a funny little _hmm_ sound and Dean shoots a glance back over in his direction. “Regardless, it’s nice to know that I’ll have at least one friend there, right? I mean, we won’t have classes together, obviously, but still.”

“You’d want to be friends with me in school? Dude, you’re a senior!” Dean asks and he hopes and prays that his face doesn’t look as eager as he feels inside.

“Of course. We’re probably more than just ‘friends’ though.”

Dean’s heart is beating so fast in his chest that it’s making him a little dizzy. He gives Cas a smile and shifts in his seat so they’re facing each other properly now when Castiel speaks again. “You’re like my kid brother, I’d say. Mike’s away at college most of the time and the twins are pains in my ass more often than not. And, hey, Sammy’s four years younger than you?” Cas asks and Dean can only nod mutely, his mouth suddenly dry and his stomach clenching. “And you’re about three years younger than me so…yeah. Like my pesky, but still kinda cool, kid brother.” The steady _thump-thump-thump_ of Dean’s heart beating no longer roars in his ears. Instead, he’s pretty sure his heart is breaking in his chest and he shivers suddenly, an unexpected chill running through him that has nothing to do with the air conditioning blasting away in his face. His eyes are stinging and he’s extremely relieved that Cas is now fixing his attention on turning the radio on so he can make his escape without the tears bursting free.

“I, uh, I gotta go. M-mom’s expecting me to help with dinner tonight.”

Cas blinks up at Dean but he’s already turning to the door and wrenching it open, running up the front porch steps to the safety of his own home.

 

Mary’s in the kitchen, stirring something in a pot on the stove and Sammy sitting at the kitchen table when Dean bursts in. “Hi, sweetheart,” she says. It’s not until she turns to face Dean that the warmth in her voice fades and her brows draw down low in concern. “What’s happened? Are you alright?”

Dean nods, words escaping him again and fidgets at his spot in the doorway. “Sam, why don’t you take a snack up to your room a watch some TV for a bit, yeah?”

“But dinner’s almost done.” If Dean wasn’t feeling so completely wrecked right now, he’d laugh at at how only Sam could whine and make a fuss about Mary’s M&M cookies and cartoons before dinner. Mary shoots him a _look_ and he complies, shuffling off upstairs to watch some geeky little kid show that Dean hates.

“Dean. What’s the matter?”

Dean exhales shakily and looks up when Mary clasps a warm hand around his wrist and guides him to a chair. “Nothing. ‘s stupid.”

“I’m sure it isn’t, Dean.”

“It is. I’m such a friggin’ baby!” Mary directs her _look_ at him now and Dean can only straighten his posture and look everywhere but in her eye. “’s just, Cas and I – we were outside talking and…”

“And..?”

Dean shrugs, “he said he thinks of me as his kid brother. Like I’m his Sammy or something.”

“Oh. Oh, Dean.”

“I know it’s stupid but I thought he might like me like…” Dean trails off again and Mary tilts his head so that they finally make eye contact.

“Like you like him?”

Dean nods.

“Oh, honey.”

“Please don’t hate me!”

“Hate you for what? Because you have a crush on Cas?” Mary shrugs, “I don’t know for certain, but there’s definitely worse guys I could picture my son falling for.” When that doesn’t get the smile she was so obviously going for, she continues, “you’re my son – gay, straight, or whatever. I’ll love you no matter who you are or who you love. And I meant what I said. Castiel is a good boy. Maybe he’s a bit old for you, though? No, don’t give me that look,” ( _what_ look?!) “he’s seventeen, Dean and for him you probably are still a kid in his eyes. Hell, he’s got sisters only a few years younger than you. I’m sure what he said wasn’t meant to hurt you.” Dean can’t muster up words for his mother, only nods glumly and launches himself in her arm, inhaling the scent of her shampoo as she rocks him gently. “Oh, honey.”

 

000

 

About a month into the new school year, they play baseball in gym class and Dean’s good. Like, really good. He’s played catch with his dad and Uncle Bobby before but this is totally different. It’s so unbelievably satisfying to swing that bat as hard as he can even if it is just to hit a stupid little white ball. And it feels damn good to find something he’s good at that he like doing, that other people acknowledge him for and that’s all his own. Sure his grades are good and he and his Uncle Bobby managed to put together an entire car engine over the summer before his freshman year, but no one decorates his locker or cheers for him for acing physics or kicking ass on his calculus exams or changing Baby’s oil. This is something entirely new and entirely Dean’s and it makes his body hum with excitement just thinking about it.

The coach for the school doesn’t have to sell Dean that hard on practicing with the junior varsity team and, after a few weeks, he’s even started to train with the varsity team – which consists largely of seniors.

Not long after, Dean’s body starts to change and not in the awkward way that puberty causes. The sleeves of his t-shirts start getting tighter around his biceps and stretch more to accommodate the new muscles that span his chest and shoulders. John can’t stop mentioning him being ready to hit a growth spurt and how he’s ‘becoming a man’ and _Christ_ if Dean has to have the puberty and sex talk for the second time, he’s not sure he’ll make it out alive.

 

 

He does get the talk.

 

 

He (barely) survives it with a shred of dignity intact and a handful of condoms.

 

000

 

Baseball has also made it so he doesn’t spend that much time with Cas anymore and he’s not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. He misses the older boy after school when Dean’s working out and even at lunch when there are ‘team meetings’ and a whole new group of people and friends that pull him away from his usual table with Cas, Jo, and some senior genius/stoner hybrid named Ash.

One Thursday all the baseball players get notice that the gym is going to closed for a week to fix some leaky pipes and for them to enjoy the break. So, Friday night finds Dean sitting alone on his couch shotgunning an entire season of Psych on Netflix while Sam’s at some sleepover with his friend Andy and his parents are on some date night thing with Bobby and Sherriff Mills.

Well, he is alone until there’s a knock at the door. He opens it to find Castiel standing there with two pizzas and a six pack of pop in hand. Cas looks up at him, startled for a second before a smile spreads out across his face. “Excuse me, but is Dean Winchester home?”

“What game are you playing at, Novak?”

Cas scrunches up his face and leans in to take a closer look at Dean and Dean does all he can not to lean forward too so that their lips touch. “Dean? Is that you? My word, it’s been so long that I barely recognize you anymore! I remember back when we used to ride to school together every day and then someone goes and becomes Mr. Big Star Baseball Player and forgets _all_ about us little people.” The pseudo-rant is said with a smile but if Dean didn’t know any better, he’s swear there was a flicker of hurt that flashed across his eyes, too.

Dean knows that he and Cas aren’t as close as they were only a few months ago and he’s partly to blame but he doesn’t think he can survive more talk of being like Cas’s little brother when he fell in love with the other boy the moment he laid eyes on him when they moved in that faithful day. And really, it’s not all Dean’s fault either. Castiel came into his own fairly quickly at Lawrence High and mingled really well with the artsy kids of the school. It’s not surprising, really. Castiel is a talented artist even if it took Dean’s snooping and shameless pestering to get a good look at his sketchbook. He’s freaky talented – drew a rendering of Baby so beautifully that Dean was left speechless.

“Are you done with the dramatics or do you wanna come in? The pizza’s gonna get cold with all your yammering.” Castiel’s answering laugh stirs something inside Dean’s chest and he knows that no matter what he does, he’s never going to get over Cas so he might as well take what little comfort he can get from peaceful nights like these.

 

They fall asleep sprawled on opposite ends of the couch as the second season of their marathoning gears up on autoplay with pizza boxes and empty pop can strewn all over the coffee table. Dean only burrows in further to the couch cushions when John and Mary come home and they’re covered with spare blankets before Mary places a soft kiss to his forehead.

 

 

000

 

 

Dean and Castiel fall into old habits again like nothing’s happened in the previous months. Coach Henrickson, while appreciative of Dean’s dedication, all but told him to stop being a gym rat and start being a kid and banned him from the gym everyday of January except Tuesdays and Thursdays. Dean’s muscles still grow but the progress is slower and he enjoys the relaxation time, especially when his birthday rolls around.

Ellen hosts the party, as tradition dictates, at The Roadhouse and everyone is there – the guy’s from the JV _and_ varsity teams, Ash, Jo, Sammy, Mary and John, Uncle Bobby and Sherriff Mills. And Cas.

There’s cake (for everyone else) and apple pie (for Dean and Dean only!) and burgers and fries and pizza and it’s enough to make Dean’s head spin. Some of the guys from baseball chipped in and got him a bootleg Metallica record they tracked down online, Jo and Sammy pool their allowances and get him a new tool set and Bobby guarantees that he’s got a whole new engine just waiting on Dean to get to work on (solo this time!), and John and Mary get him the greatest thing Dean thinks he’s ever seen: a key to the Impala. Granted, he’s _still_ not old enough to get his license for another year, but he’s old enough to have his permit and Dean’s left speechless when the cold metal of the key falls into his palm. He absolutely does _not_ cry when they tell him that John’s looking into getting a new car, a truck maybe, and it might be time to pass the reins of Baby to the next generation. He just practically tackles John in a fierce hug that has the entire room breaking out in laughs.

Castiel only shakes his head at that. “I didn’t _have_ to do anything but I wanted to. So…this is for you.” Castiel gingerly hands over the piece of paper and Dean unfolds it with care. He all but gasps when he takes in the image before him – a charcoal sketch of him sitting in the passenger seat of Cas’s Dodge with his head reclined back on the seat and his eyes closed with a peaceful expression on his face. “This was the day you introduced me to Led Zeppelin. _Physical Graffiti,_ I believe.”

Dean swallows and Castiel takes his silence as a cue to continue. “I had to draw it from memory so not everything’s perfect but I thought you might like it. You’re a hard person to shop for, Dean. I think you every hard rock concert t-shirt known to man and –“ Dean hugs Cas in an attempt to tell him that it’s okay to shut up now. He’d rather kiss him, but he doesn’t know if that would be okay. Castiel takes the less-than-subtle hint and quiets before hugging Dean back. After a moment, he places a gentle kiss to Dean’s temple and whispers, “happy birthday, Dean.”

 

 

000

 

Castiel is a senior and although he rarely talks about it, Dean knows that he’s applying to art colleges and freaking the fuck out about it. One day on a whim, Dean ran over to the Novak home and was greeted by a tight-lipped Naomi.

“Oh, Dean. How are you?”

“Good, Mrs. Novak. Is Cas in?”

She lets out a sigh and glances over her shoulder up the stairs. “Yes, he’s here. He’s been barricaded in his room for Heaven-knows how long. Maybe you can drag him out? Convince him to rejoin the land of the living?”

Dean chuckles as he walks through the door and bounds up the stairs, “I’ll do my best, ma’am. Cas! Get your butt out here!”

When Castiel opens the door, Dean does his damnedest not to laugh at the sight before him. Cas’s eyes are red and squinty and his hair’s more of a mess than usual – like he’s been running his hands through it all day (or however long he’s spent locked up in his room). There’s smudges of charcoal and paint on his cheek and Dean reaches over without thinking to wipe some of it away with the pad of his thumb. “Working hard there, Picasso?”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you but that joke is not accurate. Picasso was a cubist, mostly, while I – “

“Yeah, yeah. I know. You’ve told me this before, remember? What say you and I hit up The Roadhouse for a bit, huh? I’m _starving_ and you’re one of the only people I know that can truly appreciate a good burger.” Cas hesitates and Dean takes a step forward, “I know you’re freaking out about all this, but you need a break, man, before you run yourself into the ground. An hour or two won’t kill you.” Dean considers it a rousing success when Castiel furrows his brows and squints in that way of his that lets Dean know he’s thinking before nodding an affirmative. He lets out a victorious whoop and goes in to hug the other boy before pulling away with his nose scrunched. “But first, you should probably shower. Definitely should shower.”

“Right, yes. I’ll…just go do that.”

“Uh-huh. I’ll be in the living room. Don’t take all day!”

 

Dean’s always been a bit…short-sighted. He shouldn’t be surprised when Castiel starts getting acceptance letters from colleges but it does an extremely effective job at taking the wind out of his proverbial sails. His parents throw a small dinner party in his honor and the Winchester clan are all invited. The occasion should be a joyous one, and it is for the most part, with Chuck beaming proudly and Naomi hugging the life out of him at every turn but whenever she waves that stupid acceptance letter to SCAD around, Dean thinks he’s going to be sick.

Sammy blathers on and on about how cool it is for Cas to go to school for art and John agrees even if he doesn’t really “get it” (but he keeps that part to himself) and Mary seems politely cheerful even if she keeps casting glances in his direction when she thinks he isn’t looking. Dean’s happy for Cas and every time bright blue eyes turn to him with a face-splitting grin, Dean does his best to return the gesture regardless of how much it hurts. Dean’s still only fifteen years old and all the muscles and homeruns aren’t going to change that. Cas is turning eighteen soon and moving to Atlanta, _fucking Georgia_ , to go have the time of his life fulfilling his dream at college. After his birthday party, Dean thought he might have had a chance – he thought he might have seen something in Cas’s eyes when he handed over the drawing that Dean keeps tucked away in his room that meant there might be a chance for something – and Cas hasn’t dated a soul since moving to town. But with Cas packing up and moving all the way to Atlanta, _fucking Georgia_ in a few short months, it’s like he’s taking that chance right with him.

 

000

 

Dean’s first kiss is with a boy named Aaron Bass. They were lab partners in biology class all of freshman year and became kinda-sorta friends. So Dean thought nothing of it when Aaron invited him over one Friday night to play Halo on his new Xbox One.

They’d played for a few hours until the sun set and the only light in the room came from the glow of Aaron’s flat screen television mounted on the wall.

“Wait here.” Aaron’s parents were gone – his mom working late as a doctor and his father out of town doing whatever (Dean forgot, honestly) and they had the entire house to themselves. Aaron came back to his room with two bottles of beer in his hand and smiled mischievously. “My dad won’t even miss them.”

Dean returned the smile and held out a hand for a cold bottle, “Don’t hog ‘em, dude!”

His first full beer makes Dean warm and giggly and Aaron’s no better with a bit of a flush to his face. They’re talking about something inconsequential, like one would expect from two drunken teenagers, when Aaron slides forward across his bedroom floor and places his warm lips against Dean’s. He freezes and stiffens but doesn’t pull away. Aaron all but panics, jumping back and stuttering out apologies in rapid fire succession while the blush on his face grows more out of embarrassment than alcohol and begging Dean not to tell his parents up until Dean silences him by returning the kiss with a chaste one of his own that doesn’t stay chaste for very long. Aaron appears to be significantly more experienced at this than Dean so he happily lets him take the lead when he feels a tongue press against the seam of his lips.

Dean’s never made out with anyone before and had hoped his first kiss would be with his blue-eyed neighbor but Aaron is nice and funny and smart and most importantly, he likes Dean back.

 

000

 

To say that Dean and Aaron ‘date’ would be a gross exaggeration of their relationship. It’s more like they play video games and kiss sometimes and then Dean goes home. They’re still friends though, even if Aaron is a total chicken shit in chemistry class when it comes to the Bunsen burners.

 

000

 

Dean excels at baseball and it does wonders to keep his mind off the fact that it’s already spring and Castiel will be leaving sooner than expected. He’s leaving Kansas in July, rather than August, to spend some time to ‘get adjusted’ to living in Georgia.  There’s talk of the team going all the way this year and with all the extra practice sessions Henrickson calls, Dean spends so much time away from home and outdoors that he tans all over and new freckles form across the bridge of his nose and span of his shoulder, much to his chagrin.

 

000

 

“Dean, are you in love with Cas?” Dean’s minding his own business, hunched over his chemistry textbook reading about the bonding properties of a carbon atom when Sammy’s question all but slaps him across the face and into next week.

“Wh-what?”

“Are you in love with Cas?”

“Where the hell did _that_ come from?”

Sam shrugs, “I don’t know. You used to spend all your time with him but then we found out he was moving away for school and then you stopped hanging out as much. And now you look sad whenever you do.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m in love with the guy, Sam! Geez. He’s like my best friend; of course I’m going to be sad when he leaves.”

“Jo’s one of your best friends and you weren’t that sad when she left last year to go to summer camp.”

“That’s because I knew she was coming back.”

“Cas is coming back, too. Mr. and Mrs. Novak still live here. _You’re_ still here.”

“I _know_ that, Sam. Sheesh. When did you get to be such a pain.”

“’m not a pain,” Sam mumbles. “I just don’t like seeing you sad, that’s all. And Jo said that you’re even sad at lunch when you’re in school.”

“You talked to Jo?”

Sam nods. “Yeah.”

“About this?”

“I wanted to know if she knew what was wrong.”

“Dude, you’re _ten_. How in the hell do you know all this stuff?”

Sam rolls his eyes and shakes his mop of hair out of his eyes, “I’m almost _eleven,_ Dean,” he says. “And TV, mostly.”

Dean rolls his eyes. _Of course_. “Maybe you should lay off the soaps, Sammy.”

“Grandpa Campbell watches Days of Our Lives, too, y’know. ‘s a good show. He says it’s ‘riveting.’”

Dean throws a pillow and grins when it smacks Sam in the face before he has a chance to duck. “You’re such a jerk, Dean!”

“Bitch!” Dean calls after him as he turns and exits the bedroom.

 _Jesus Christ_. Is he that transparent?

 

000

 

Castiel graduates and Dean is there along with the rest of the Novaks and Winchesters cheering him on. When they hug after the ceremony is over, Dean holds on a little longer and a bit tighter than necessary while Cas runs a hand through his blonde hair.

When Castiel packs his crap into his Dodge to make the drive down to Georgia, it’s all Dean can do not to run up to him and hold on for dear life. Instead, he just hugs his best friend good-bye, makes him promise to Skype and call and text and email and watches the car drive away.

That evening, Mary takes him out in the Impala and drives just outside of town to a bakery that Dean loves, just the two of them, and they talk about anything but Cas and Dean’s so grateful for his mother he could cry.

 

000

 

The first half of Dean’s junior year of high school relatively uneventful, save for a few occurrences.

  1.        He gets his driver’s license
  2.        He becomes captain of the baseball team after kicking serious ass in the division playoffs
  3.        He wins a math contest (which is by far the nerdiest thing he’s ever done, but he’s damn proud of it)



 

The days grow shorter and the weather grows colder and before Dean knows it, Christmas break is here and Sam and Mary are decorating the Christmas tree while he and John stuff their faces with pie.

“Ohmygod!” Dean moans around a bite of warm apple pie and John smirks beside him. “It’s like it gets better every time I eat it.”

 

Castiel plays the good son and comes back for the entirety of winter break. He knocks on the front door and Dean just _knows_ it’s him by the sunken feeling in his stomach at the sound. He still opens the door with a smile, though, and is taken aback when Castiel simply stares at him. And blinks. In that total _Cas-is-kind-of-a-creeper_ kinda way.

“Holy shit,” he breathes. “You got tall.” It’s only now that Dean realizes that he’s right. Where he used to come up to the other boy’s jaw on a good day (that was the perfect height to stare at his lips all day) they’re now eye-level and Castiel is somehow more handsome now than he ever was. Dean’s chest grows tight while his heart stutters against his ribcage when Castiel pulls him into a fierce hug. Castiel laughs and says, “You coulda told me that you grew a foot when he talked, y’know. I wouldn’t have been upset about it.”

Dean laughs in return and can feel a blush crawl up his cheeks when they pull back. “Yeah, well. I wasn’t gonna stay a shrimp for the rest of my life. I’ll be sixteen in a few weeks, dude.”

Castiel just smiles as they make their way to the couch and Dean hopes the sounds of guns firing while they play Halo is enough to drown out the pounding of his heart.

They do talk for a bit, though. Cas tells Dean all about college SCAD and life in Georgia. He bitches about the heat almost constantly, “It’s not Christmastime without snow, Dean!” as if Dean was going to argue against it.

He tells Dean about the parties that he goes to on weekends (and weekdays when the mood strikes) and how he had to make sure he did all his laundry before coming home or risk his parents smelling the weed on them and the inventive lengths he goes to in his attempt to hide his alcohol stash and rolling papers in his dorm room. When he talks about his classes and art, though, his face lights up in a way Dean has only seen a few times. His arms gesture wildly in a way that’s so different than calm, cool, collected (and nerdy) Cas that Dean can’t help but smile. Dean listens with rapt attention and when Cas is done talking, the only thing from the conversation that sticks with Dean is that Cas has gone and grew up without him, that even though Dean will be sixteen in a few short weeks and that he’ll certainly be taller than Cas, he’s still just a stupid high school kid with a stupid high school crush that he can’t seem to shake no matter how much he tries.

 

000

 

Christmas goes by all too soon, in Dean’s opinion. It’s almost as if one minute he goes from _epic_ snowball fights with Sam, Cas, and the twins (and okay, maybe John, too) and the next he’s watching Castiel pull away again to head back to the college life that Dean can only dream about at this point.

When his classes resume, it’s essentially more of the same.

Baseball stuff.

Dr. Sexy. _So_ much Dr. Sexy.

Screwing around with Sam, Jo, or Benny, a new transfer to Lawrence High.

Wash, rinse, and repeat. It’s not until he flops down in the chair next to Jo at lunch that he realizes it’s not _all_ the same.

“Surprised to see you sitting with us today, Winchester.”

“Huh?” He swallows around a bite of his turkey sandwich and looks at her in confusion. She huffs and rolls her eyes before reaching over and thumping him in the center of his forehead. “Ouch, Joanna! Chill out, would you?”

“You’re so _thick_ , Dean. God.”

“What the hell are you talking about anyway?”

“What our lovely little Joanna Beth,” Benny begins, ignoring the indignant squeak Jo gives at the use of her full name, “is saying is that lately you’ve made more of a habit of sitting by a certain Mr. Bass. But he appears to be absent today. Are we your replacement lunch buddies, Dean? I feel so… _dirty_. But I like it.” Benny gives a teasing wink that has Dean rolling his eyes.

“Oh, stuff it, Benny. That ‘southern charm’ thing only works on Andrea. What the Cajun over there is trying to say is that you and Aaron have gotten…close. Like, really close.”

“We’re friends,” Dean says with a shrug. “And he’s my lab partner.”

“And that’s all?”

“Jo, seriously…”

“No, it’s good. You've been mooning over Cas since he got to town and it’s about time—“

Dean’s not sure what she says next because he’s too focused on trying to draw a breath. Jesus _Christ!_ Did everyone know? If Sam could figure it out, did that mean Cas could, too? They still texted each other regularly enough and Skyped when they both had the time, but what if Cas was only humoring Dean and his schoolboy crush? Oh, god!

“Dean! Snap out of it!”

“Wha--?”

“Jo, I think you managed to break Dean.”

“ _Dean!_ ” When he doesn’t respond, Jo takes the opportunity to reach over and pinch his forearm. Hard. _Fucking brat_.

“Ouch!”

“Fixed him!" She chirps all too happily. Dean, relax. Cas doesn’t know.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because if there’s anyone out there denser than you are, it’s Novak.”

Dean nods and swallows thickly. “And…is that okay with you?”

“What? That you’re a crush-slut?”                                                                                                  

“What? No! You’re making this insanely difficult.”

“That you like guys?” Benny asks lowly and Dean tenses.

“Uh…yeah.”

“Are you seriously asking us if we’re okay with the fact that you’re gay?” When Dean nods glumly, Jo sighs. “Of course we are, ya idjit! And you wonder why I call you dense.”

Dean feels a smile tugging at his lips and if he wasn’t sure that Jo would beat him into next week, he’d kiss her. Instead, he settles for a quiet laugh and says, “You’ve been hanging around Bobby too long, Joanna.”

 

 

000

His friends are right, of course, he just didn’t really seem to notice it. He and Aaron _have_ been spending a lot more time together. So much so, in fact, that they’ve gone from hanging out just playing video games together to doing homework, and marathoning crappy movies they find in the $5 bin at Wal-Mart.

Sam, Mary, and John are out so Dean invites Aaron over for just that reason. Whenever Dean and Cas would hang out in the living room to watch something on TV, Dean would sit on one end of the couch and Cas would perch on the other end and they never deviated from that seating arrangement much. But when Aaron comes, Dean feels his stomach doing a weird-twisty thing at the thought of Aaron sitting in Cas’s seat, so when he opens the door to let the other boy in, he plops down on Cas’s side of the couch and lets Aaron sit on his end. Although, they don’t stay that way for long. Halfway through the garbage movie (and it is _terrible_ ), Aaron shifts closer and closer and Dean leans more and more into him until Aaron’s hand finds its way to the back of Dean’s neck and pulls him close.

It’s a bit like their first kiss – starting out so tentative and shy, just getting a feel for each other until Aaron bites down on Dean’s bottom lip to get him to open up and no sooner are they flush against each other and Dean’s running his hands through Aaron’s thick mat of dark hair, tugging a little when Aaron lets loose that first moan. Aaron’s hands wander under Dean’s shirt and he rubs at the muscles on his stomach and chest, brushing past a nipple in a way that has Dean almost purring before they come apart for air.

“So,” Aaron says, licking at his lips and smirking when he catches Dean’s eyes tracking the movement, “this is becoming a regular thing for us.”

“Uh-huh. That okay with you?”

“Oh, it’s more than okay.” Dean smiles and leans forward again until he has Aaron pressed against the couch and is all but covering him. They kiss, and kiss, and kiss, and their touches get bolder in a way that has Dean moaning and wondering how he never knew Aaron was _this_ good of a kisser.

He doesn’t think of Cas for the rest of the night.

 

000

 

Aaron may not be Dean’s first love, but he’s his first kiss and his first boyfriend. He’s smart and charming and bold and nerdy in way that make Dean grin like a fool. He’s so happy that he doesn’t notice Mary getting suspicious until she corners him in the kitchen after dinner while John and Sam clean the garage.

“Is there anything you want to tell me, Dean?”

Dean pauses from where he’s rummaging through the refrigerator and turns to face his mother. “Huh?”

“Don’t play that innocent act with me, kid. I gave birth to you – I know your tells. That poker face of yours may work on your father but not me.” She narrows her eyes, “never has, never will.”

Dean swallows. “There’s nothing to tell, Mom. Seriously.”

“Nothing to tell?” Dean shakes his head no and she takes a step forward. “Nothing to tell me about a certain boy named Aaron?”

 _Shit_. “Oh. That?”

“Yes, ‘that’, Dean. Is it serious?”

“Do we really need to have this conversation?”

“Unless you want to have it with your father, but I thought after that last time you might still be traumatized.”

Dean shudders at the thought and Mary smirks. “You know I love you and Sam equally, Dean, but I always thought that Sam and John were so much alike, it’s like I had nothing to do with making that kid. You and I, though?” She shakes her head wistfully and sighs. “You can talk to me, honey. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, Mom. I do.”

“Great! Then tell me about Aaron. Is he hot?”

Dean groans but indulges his mother and tells her about Aaron. It’s not as embarrassing as he thought it would be and he doesn't know why he was so freaked. His mom’s awesome.

“Is he coming to your birthday party at The Roadhouse this weekend?” Dean nods and Mary smiles. “Well, you should introduce him to your father and me. I’d love to meet him.”

“What!? No, Mom. I can’t do that.”

“Can’t do what?” Sam chirps from behind Dean. He shuffles forward, covered in dust, to stand by Dean and looks up at him and Dean can’t help but smile at the grease smudge that runs across his forehead.

Dean hears John’s heavy steps coming from behind him and tenses when his Dad clasps a heavy hand on his shoulder. “What can’t you do?”

“Uh..nothing. It’s nothing.” Mary gives him a tender smile and strokes his cheek. Dean’s jittery and his palms are sweating because it’s one thing for his mom to know that he has a boyfriend and for Sam to know that he likes Cas but it’s another thing entirely to tell that to his Marine of a father.

“Sam, come on. You need to get cleaned up before you get dirt all over the furniture.”

Sam huffs out an annoyed breath, but follows behind Mary anyway leaving Dean alone in the kitchen with John.

“I take it from that less-than-subtle exit that you and I need to talk?” John asks and Dean can only nod numbly, still turned away from his father. “Well? Is everything okay?” When Dean doesn’t respond, John grasps him by the shoulders and turns Dean to face him properly. “You’re worrying me here, Ace. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

The use of the childhood nickname makes hope flare in his chest that maybe everything will be alright. So, before he can stop himself, he looks up into John’s eyes and blurts out the truth. “I’m gay, Dad.”

John blinks and Dean takes his silence as rejection. He releases a shaky breath and diverts his gaze from his father, unable to take the judgment that must be written on his face. “Dean,” John sighs. “Whatever it is you’re freaking out about? You’re wrong.”

“What?”

“Dean, you’re my kid. I know everything there is to know about you.”

“You…you knew?”

“Well…maybe? I don’t know, you started hanging out all the time with Castiel and he was all you ever talked about around here for months. It wasn't that hard to piece together. I figured you’d come to me when you were ready. You've got your mother’s pigheadedness and I didn't want to push you. Just…don’t tell her I called her pigheaded.”

“Oh, god. Jo’s right, I am dense.”

John laughs and pulls Dean into a tight embrace. “You can’t honestly think that that would make me stop loving you. God, whatever I did to give you that impression, I am so sorry, Dean. You’re my boy. There’s not much that you can do to make me or your mother love you any less. I've known you for sixteen years, kid. I've kind of gotten attached.”

“You don’t think Cas knew, did you?”

John appears to think about it for a minute before shaking his head no. “Hate to break it to you, Ace, but us guys aren’t the brightest. You had to know that by now.” John sobers for a moment and clears his throat. “Are you…seeing anyone now?”

“Uh, maybe? Yeah. That’s what Mom and I were talking about. She wants me to introduce you guys on Saturday.”

John nods and Dean groans. “Aw, seriously, Dad? You too?”

“Yup. Those are the breaks, kiddo. What’s his name?”

“Aaron.”

“Well, that makes a helluva lot more sense.”

“What does?”

“When I heard you sneaking around on the phone talking to ‘Aaron’, I thought maybe there was a girl and I’d gotten my signals crossed somewhere. You’re not nearly as sneaky as you think you are, Dean. I’m a little disappointed.”

Dean groans again and John claps him on the shoulder again. “Dean, do you and I need to have that talk again?”

“No!”

 

000

Dean’s birthday party is awesome, there’s no other way to describe it. Although he’s apprehensive about introducing Aaron to his parents, the other boy readily agrees to it and a smile splits his face when Dean introduces him as his ‘boyfriend’ and Dean can only smile in return. John and Bobby pretend to be gruff in their greetings before Mary all but sweeps him off the floor in a hug.

Just before it’s time to cut the cake (and pie), Dean’s phone vibrates in his pocket. Across the screen, Cas’s name is illuminated and Dean is tempted to let it go to voicemail but they’ve never gone a birthday without speaking to one another and he’s not going to be the one to break the tradition. He sneaks off to the backroom of The Roadhouse to take the call.

“Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean. Happy birthday.” Cas sounds subdued and his words are a bit slurred but Dean ignores that strange feeling in his gut at that.

“Thanks. How’re you? How’s Georgia?”

“Fucking hot is how it is.” Dean chuckles and Cas clears his throat before continuing. “Sixteen is a big year, man.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m supposed to be getting Baby this year, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah I do remember. God, I can’t believe I was your age when we met.”

“It wasn’t that long ago, dude.”

“I know that intellectually, but…sometimes it feels that way.” Castiel sighs heavily and Dean grips his phone tighter. “I miss you, Dean.”

“I miss you, too, Cas,” Dean admits quietly.

“Since you finally have a car now, maybe that’s a sign you need to bring your freckled butt down to visit me.”

“My butt’s not freckled,” he mutters (even though it totally is).

“Whatever you say, Winchester.” Dean can hear the smile in Cas’s voice and is quiet for a moment, just listening to the muffled sounds on the party through the wall and the sounds of Castiel’s breathing through the phone. “I won’t hold your party up but I just wanted to talk to you for a bit, hear your voice. I miss it. Listen, I mailed you your gift and you should get it by Tuesday. I hope you like it. Go and enjoy your night, Dean. Happy birthday.”

Before Dean can respond, the call disconnects and he stares down at the phone in his hand for a second before someone knocks on the door and Aaron steps in. Dean smiles when he steps forward to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth and interlocks their fingers. “Come on, before the people start a riot.”

 

Once the cake has been sliced and handed out, John places a heavy arm around Dean’s shoulders and steers him outside. “Come on, Ace. You’ve been waiting a long time for this day.”

John walks them over to the Impala and Dean can feel his hands start to shake. “I’m not going to the garage Monday or Tuesday and your mom’s got some time off so the two of us are gonna go look at getting a new car for me. So, son, happy birthday. She’s all yours now.” Dean’s all too glad that John decided that they should have this moment alone when he pulls his dad in for a hug and buries his face in his shoulder. He’s overcome with emotion like he hasn’t been in a long time. Getting his car, his phone call with Cas, and everything going so uncharacteristically smoothly with Aaron and his family that he doesn’t even try to swallow down his tears of relief. John seems to understand because he holds Dean just as tight and rubs a warm hand on his back. “It’s alright, Ace.”

 

000

 

Instead of partying it up like the college kids on MTV, Castiel comes home for spring break and shit gets real.

One night, Cas is on the back porch alone shouting into his phone at someone named Meg so loudly that Dean takes it upon himself to go over and see what’s wrong. When Castiel takes sight of Dean, his shoulders slump dejectedly and he turns to hold up a finger while still speaking to Meg. “I am done with this conversation, Meg,” he hisses. “Fine! Do whatever the hell you want.” He snatches the phone away and lets out a low growl of frustration before running his hand through his hair and, boy, that’s never a good sign.

“Everything alright?”

“Not particularly, no. I apologize if I disturbed you but Meg can be…extremely frustrating.”

“Sounds like,” Dean replies with a shrug. “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

Castiel is quiet for so long that Dean thinks he’s not going to answer the question before replying. “I guess.”

“Dude, I’m not forcing you. If you don’t wanna talk about it, we can pretend this never happened.”

“No,” Cas says with a quick shake of his head. “That’s not it. It’t just that Meg is very good at frustrating me and I don’t react very well to it when I’m sober.”

“…and are you not sober often?”

“Is this the part where you lecture me on how drugs and alcohol are bad?” Cas raises an eyebrow and Dean lets out a frustrated huff of air.

“No, that’s not what I was planning on doing. Just, some background info would be helpful. Who is this Meg chick, anyway? Girlfriend?”

“She was,” Dean tenses at that. Although he hadn’t told Cas about Aaron, it still surprises him that Castiel went and developed a completely separate life from him on the other side of the country. Perhaps she’s why he takes longer and longer to respond to texts or voicemails. Dean does have Aaron now but he still misses his friend. “Although maybe that’s not entirely accurate. We…dated for a bit but I don’t think it was ever exclusive. It certainly wasn’t on my end. She’s an art major that I met in one of my classes. She’s doing a project with one of my roommates and is pissed at the turn it’s taking. I’m staying out of it but Meg does a very good job at bringing out less than desirable characteristics in the people she’s around.”

“Uh-huh. Sounds bitchy.”

Cas huffs a quiet laugh. “That’s an understatement. I just don’t want to be dragged into the middle of things when I’ve got my own shit to focus on.”

“That’s understandable." "I also think that it has more to do with the fact that…I’ve started seeing someone else and she’s not happy unless she’s the center of attention.”

“Oh, really, Romeo? Who’s the new love interest? You can’t just leave out the fact that your life is playing out like an episode of Days of our Lives when we talk, man. I need my share of the dirt, too.”

“His name is Balthazar.”

Dean blinks. ‘He’? “Who the hell names their kid ‘Balthazar’?”

One shoulder raised in a shrug, Cas turns away to stare out into the yard. “He’s nice enough and I enjoy his company.”

Dean swallows. Castiel grows restless beside him before speaking again, “is this a problem, Dean?”

“What?”

“That I’m bisexual.” _Bi-fucking-sexual_.

“No, never.” Dean figures that he should maybe say something about him understanding, he’s gay after all! But he’s bitter and angry that he never had a chance with Cas not because the other boy was straight, but just because he didn’t want him back. “You’re my best friend, Cas. Always.”

Dean spends the rest of the night in bed trying to push away the jealousy.

 

 

000

 

Mary is anything _but_ subtle when it’s time for Dean to really start looking at colleges. He’s already scheduled to take the SAT and she knows that, but apparently it’s not enough so she’s taken to leaving college brochures and printouts on his desk, at his place setting for dinner, and even in the Impala. She’s even brought Baby into this and it’s just not fair! Especially when two of the printouts are for Emory University in Atlanta, _fucking Georgia_ and Georgia Tech highlighting sections on their engineering and physics programs. She even paperclips information about athletic scholarships! It should be considered rude when she’s in his head like that.

 

 

Dean leads the varsity team to the championships for the second year in a row and John, Mary, Bobby, and Sam all beam with pride. He’s sweaty and his uniform is covered in dirt after sliding into home but Sam runs forward so fast that they both go spinning and crashing to the ground.

“Dean, that was so awesome! You kicked ass!”

“Sam,” John calls, “watch your mouth.” He says it with a smile and even Mary’s rolling her eyes.

“But, Dad! Did you see how he slid into the home plate?! That was _so_ cool. I recorded it on my phone. We should post it on Facebook so Cas can see it, too!” Dean smiles tightly down at this little brother when they’re finally standing upright again before going to his parents.

“The guys and I are gonna go celebrate for a little bit. I’ll be home tonight.”

“That’s fine, sweetheart. But if you drink, and I mean one beer, I had better not find out you were anywhere close to driving home. You understand?”

“Yes, Mom.” He kisses her on the cheek before wrapping his arms around her and lifting her small frame off the ground. She giggles when her feet are planted back on the ground and he gets quick hugs and congratulations from John and Bobby before rushing off to the locker room to change.

There’s unread texts on his group message with Benny and Jo and a separate one from Aaron.

_“Sam sent us the video! That was so epic. Always knew you were more than a pretty face.”_

_“Awesome job, brotha! Let us know when you’re free and we’ll all celebrate.”_

_“Dude. My boyfriend’s hot and kicks ass. Call me when you’re free.”_

000

 

Aaron and Dean are driving in the Impala for dinner when Aaron pulls out _another_ printout from Mary. It’s something about the Math department at Emory University and Dean groans when Aaron mentions it.

“My Mom’s not exactly subtle if you haven’t noticed.”

Aaron laughs beside him and thumbs through the pages, “I never would’ve guessed. Why Emory?”

“I don’t know. Atlanta sounds like a cool city and my old neighbor’s down there for art school. Seems like a good change of pace from Lawrence.”

“Oh, I totally get that.” Aaron fidgets in his seat and turns to face Dean. “I’ve, uh, been looking at schools on the East Coast. New York, maybe Jersey if I’m desperate enough. It’s a long way from Atlanta. But we’ll both be in big cities with all types of people and things.”

“I’m not looking at _just_ Emory. But, yeah, I get what you’re saying.”

“Do you?”

Dean nods and slides a quick glance over at Aaron. His face is shadowed in the darkness of the road and the occasional halo of streetlight but his posture is tense. “I think so. I like you a lot, Aaron. You’re a great kisser.”

Aaron laughs and turns in his seat to face the front once again, “Me too, Dean. So…let’s just make this next year or however long a good one, yeah?”

“Totally.”

 

000

 

Dean hasn’t spoken to Castiel since he came back for spring break. No phone calls, his emails and texts go unanswered and he doesn’t appear to ever be on Skype. He thinks about asking Mrs. Novak or Chuck what could be wrong but decides against it when he finds out from Sam (who found out from Anna) that Cas won’t be coming home for the summer, choosing to spend it with Michael traveling through Europe.

Dean signs up for a couple of college classes at the community college twenty minutes from his home at the insistence of his Calc II teacher. He likes it and it’s a good way to occupy his time when he’s not elbow deep in car parts at the garage John and Bobby own.

 

Sam’s away at soccer camp and John starts working more hours to save up for an anniversary vacation he promised to Mary because ‘she managed to put up with him for twenty years and if anyone deserves this, it’s her’ so Mary’s the only one home when Dean’s SAT scores come back in early July.

She must hear the rumble of the Impala because she’s at the door waiting for him when he climbs out of the car with an envelope in hand.

“This came today and I didn’t want to open it until you got here but I _really_ need you to hurry up and open it before I have a heart attack.”

Dean takes the envelope with shaky hands and all but rips it apart. “Holy fucking shit.” It’s a testament to how freaked they both are that she doesn’t say anything about his language and his face breaks out into the biggest shit-eating grin when he hands the papers to her.

“Holy fucking shit,” she echoes. Mary raises her arms triumphantly and lets out a high-pitched squeal before hugging Dean for dear life. “A 2340?! Jesus Christ, Dean! You can get into any college you want with scores like this.”

“Oh, god. I think I’m gonna puke.”

 

000

 

For some reason, Dean expects senior year to be different from every other year of high school. Nothing much has changed expect Sam starts his freshman year and he’s a new addition to the lunch table along with Benny, Jo, and another blonde girl named Jess that Sam spends most of his time making googly eyes at. Dean doesn’t make fun of him, though. He’s spent enough of his time being in that same position so he silently wishes that his brother fares a helluva lot better than he did.

Dean excels in his classes and his parents beam with pride. Sam, though (the little jerk) seems to get off on making fun of Dean for being a dork and a nerd. But Dean’s always quick to remind him that he’s the friggin’ captain of his baseball team. Sam plays soccer. The only thing that trumps soccer in dorkiness is braces and head gear.

 

John surprises Mary with a two week vacation to Cabo for their anniversary and Mary _weeps_. It’d be cute if his parents weren’t so grossly adorable with one another. They’re home alone when Sam slumps into his room and flops down on the bed beside him.

“Yes, come in.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re the one that came into _my_ room.”

“I need some advice.”

“About?”

“Jessica. I want to ask her out but…I don’t think I’m doing it right.”

“Sam, if you’re looking for insight into the female mind, you’re asking the wrong guy. Call Jo.”

“You've been dating Aaron for forever, practically, Dean. Just…can you tell me what I’m doing wrong?” Dean nods so Sam continues, “I talk to her about school stuff and maybe having study dates but I’m getting nowhere, man.”

“Well, there’s your first problem. Don’t ask her for a _study_ date, dork. Ask to take her on a real date. Dinner, maybe. Or, I guess a Happy Meal.” Sam punches him in the shoulder and Dean laughs before continuing, “take her to the movies. Go see the new Spiderman flick or something. Or Captain America. Anything that doesn’t involve schoolwork.” Sam nods with a tense expression like Dean just told him the meaning of life. “You know you’re screwed when you have to ask your gay brother how to pick up chicks.”

Sam groans, “I know. But I just really like her and I think she might like me, too, so I just gotta get it right now, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know, Sammy.”

“So speaking of romance troubles….”

“Nice segue.”

“You and Aaron haven’t hung out for a while.”

“Nope, and it’s probably gonna be like that from now on. We’re both going to college soon and…it’s not like I was in love with him or anything. He’s a nice guy and everything but…”

“He’s not Cas.”

“Am I that pathetic,” Dean whines. “I mean, I haven’t heard from the jerk since break but I can’t stop thinking about him. Every time my phone goes off I’m hoping it’s at least an email from him but it’s usually just bullshit. Fucking Cas.”

“Have you talked to the Novaks? Maybe they know what’s up.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think they’ll tell me. Cas is their kid and I’m just the neighbor. That asshole didn’t even pick up the phone to tell me he wasn’t coming back last summer. And, fuck, what do I do but sit around and wait for him like a kicked puppy.”

“He’s a jerk.”

“Damn straight. Thanks, Sammy.”

"No problem, big brother."

 

000

 

Cas comes home for Thanksgiving. His hair’s a little longer and he’s tanner than the last time Dean recalls seeing him and that thought just makes Dean realizes how long it’s been since he’s seen him and he’s pissed all over again.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Cas.”

Castiel shuffles at the coldness of Dean’s response before slumping down in defeat. “I would like to apologize to you.”

“Yeah? What for? Falling completely off the grid? Ignoring me for _months_ on end? Being a royal jackass? Take your fucking pick.”

“All of the above, I suppose.”

“Hmm. That’s nice. Goodbye.” Dean moves the shut the living room door in his face but Castiel is a quick little fucker and slips an arm end before Dean can slam the door on him.

“Please, Dean. Just…can we talk?”

“Funny. I didn’t know you remembered how to have an actual conversation.” Dean feels slightly victorious in the wince that draws from Cas but still opens the door to let him because Dean can refuse Cas nothing.

“I am so sorry. I have been a shitty friend and it’s not fair to you.” Dean looks close and he can see dark circles forming under Cas’s eyes and a weary expression on his face. His posture is slumped, as if he’s trying to make himself appear smaller, and his hair is a _wreck_. Dean’s known Cas long enough to know that how bad Cas looks is a good way to gauge how he’s feeling. There’s a notebook in his hand that he clenches tightly that Dean eyes but he holds on to his anger just as tightly.

“What caused this change of heart all of a sudden?”

“Honestly? Your brother.” Dean bristles but doesn’t interrupt. “He called me and left an unpleasant, to say the least, message for me. When I called him back to try to understand what the hell he was talking about, he had some very strong words about the way he felt I was mistreating out friendship – mistreating you.”

“You answer his calls but not mine?”

“I didn’t know what to say to you, Dean. When – the last time I was here I had that fight with Meg, do you recall?” Dean nods. “And then I told you about Balthazar and it was like you shut off completely. I thought… God, I thought you had a problem with it and I couldn’t take knowing that you and I couldn’t be friends anymore because I’m attracted to men and women. This is a small town and you’ve spent your entire life here and – “

“You just figured I’d be an ignorant fuck and treat you like shit because you’re bi?”

“I – yes. I was terrified.”

“ _You_ were terrified? You ignored me for months, Castiel! I know you’re in college and living the life out in Atlanta, _fucking Georgia_ but do you have any idea how I felt? You treated me like an annoying little kid yapping at your heels, like you wanted to be rid of me. So you know what? I got the hint, Cas. I’ll leave you alone to your life in art school with Meg and _Balthazar_ and who-the-fuck-ever!”

“You’re not listening!”

“No, I’m hearing you loud and clear. You thought I was gonna judge you so went ahead and did the same thing to me without giving me a chance. _You_ fucked up. You don’t have a right to be angry with me.”

“I know I fucked up. I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Dean. That’s the last thing I would ever want but I just _couldn’t_ deal. So I ran away. Fuck. You can’t begin to know how sorry I am for treating you the way I have. You’re my best friend and you have been since that first summer we moved here. You’re one of the best things in my life and I’m _so sorry_.”

“You should’ve given me a chance, Cas. I don’t give a shit about you being bi or screwing with Meg and that other dickhead. You should’ve trusted me enough to know that you’re my best friend and I love you.”

 

Dean’s brains stammers to a stop like an old record. He rewinds the last few seconds of that conversation in his head and he freezes. Castiel looks up at him with wide eyes and his mouth hanging agape and it’d be funny if this moment wasn’t the most petrifying thing Dean’s ever experienced.

“You – you what?”

“Oh, shit. Shit, I didn’t mean it like that. Fuck, Cas, don’t freak out.”

“Did you say that you love me?”

“Oh, god.”

Castiel takes a tentative step forward and is all up in Dean’s space like he hasn’t been in too long. “Dean.”

Dean exhales slowly and tells himself now or never. Worst case scenario, he knows where he stands and can move on. Or he could lose Cas forever. “I love you, Cas. I’ve loved you since I was fourteen years old – since the day you moved in.”

Castiel blinks and he does that squinty-eyed head tilt that he does and Dean’s heart stutters. “You love me? You’re not -  “

“I’m gay, Cas.”

Cas inhales an unsteady breath. “You – you never told me. You never said anything.”

“I was kinda trying to figure it out for myself for a while and then when I did start telling people, it’s like they all knew like I had some rainbow flag tattooed on my forehead. God, Cas, I’ve been so hung up on your for so long.”

Castiel face crumples and he buries his face in his hands. His shoulders shake and the room is silent other than the trembling and uneven breaths Cas is taking. “Fuck, Cas, I’m sorry. We can forget I ever said anything and we can go back to being just friends like I never said anything. It’ll be like nothing’s happened.”

“I don’t want that, Dean.” Cas pulls his hands away from his face and his cheeks are red and wet with tears. “I can’t go back to that, Dean, knowing that.”

Dean nods numbly. This is his worst fear, not Cas not sharing his feelings but Cas wanting to walk away. He thinks back to that day in the the Dodge when Cas called him his brother and how he thought his heart was breaking. But now he knows in this moment what heartbreak truly feels like. “I understand,” Dean hates the way his voice shakes and the chill that runs up his spine that makes him shiver. “I understand.”

“You don’t. You really, really don’t, Dean. You’re so much younger than me.”

“Three years, Cas. It’s not that much,” he says dejectedly.

“I have loved you for a long time now.”

Dean’s stomach drops. “What?”

“There’s a reason I have been so distant. I was trying to – to force myself to fall out of love with because I didn’t think you would reciprocate and I couldn’t stand being here and not being able to be _here_ with you.”

“You – what?”

“I’m in love with you, Dean. I love you, too.” Castiel takes tentative steps to get more into Dean’s space and Dean releases a nervous laugh and lets his forehead rest against Cas’s.

“Shit, Cas. We really managed to fuck this up royally.”

“Maybe, but it seems to be working well for us now.”

Dean nods, “yeah.”

“Can – can I kiss you, Dean?” Dean clenches his eyes together tightly and feels an invisible weight lift off his chest.

“Yeah, Cas. I’d really like that.” At the first tentative press of Cas’s lips against his, Dean sighs and thinks that all those years of waiting have been more than worth it to be right here in this moment with Cas.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest fic I've ever written to completion and it was so fun to write. *whew* What a great way to celebrate the end of the semester and that kickass episode from last week.
> 
>  Side note: I know next to nothing about baseball which is why everything is kept pretty vague in the description of it. I don't even know what time of year hs kids start playing or practicing.  
> And in case anyone was wondering, SCAD is the Savannah College of Art and Design. It's an art school in Georgia with a campus in Savannah and one in Atlanta. Emory University is also located in Atlanta.
> 
> I have not abandoned 'the heart of the matter'. I should've been working on an update for that when I decided to finish this instead. Oops. I hope to have an update up and posted by the end of the week.
> 
> I really, really hope you guys enjoyed this! Comment/kudos/whatevs are all appreciated.


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